no shave november

The above image was created by a friend of mine based on a status I posted on Facebook.  It immediately got many "likes," mostly from women, of course, but a couple of my awesometastic guy friends liked it, too.  One of them even said he'd have no issue whatsoever being intimate with his girl if she participated in No Shave November.  Awesome.

Of course, not everyone agreed with the message.  I can't say I'm surprised.  Making a comment about not wanting to sleep with a certain type of man for a certain type of reason will always irritate someone.  And of course, it did.

I was unfortunately at work while most of the debate was happening, and thus was unable to keep up and contribute as it went along, and for the sake of not wanting to write a novel on Facebook, I decided to address the issues that two of the men in my comment-train brought up in opposition to what I said in the initial status here on my blog.  Said commentors will remain anonymous, because they are my friends, even though I disagree wholeheartedly with much of what they said.

"You know I am not so vain as to hold this huge physical trait standard for women. HOWEVER...a chick with a bush of pit hair, downstairs hair, chewbacca legs, and upper lip hair...no. Sorry that the standard of this country doesn't deem those things "attractive" lol. get over it. We don't consider short men attractive either, but some of us have to live with THAT daily lol, and it DIRECTLY hinders (at times) chances of getting some. You women all but get to CHOOSE who you sleep with, you have your own set of physical standards that MUST be met before even beginning to think about wanting to see a guy naked. But all the sudden, guys are like "nope, hairy chick? no, not gonna touch it, one standard that MUST be met, sorry" and it's all "stupid man, can't treat me equal or accept me or blah blah blah. Come on. NOW...as for december. Yeah, the month of NOV may be a no touchy month, but assuming the woman shaves dec 1, there's no way a man is going to continue not giving it up lol."

 For one, No Shave November is NOT going to result in a Chewbacca lady.  Secondly, being a shorter man does not necessarily render you hideous to the opposite sex as this man think it does.  In fact, I know women who are on the short side (less than 5'5") who prefer men to be shorter, to keep them from looking like absolute mini-me's next to their men.  And this particular man who wrote the above, from what I have seen, has not been that affected by the fact that he isn't tall, because I have seen him date some rather adorable women.  I will forever refuse to believe, sir, that you are hurting that much for female attention, because you sure as hell seem to date a lot more than I do.

On that note, the fact that we get to "choose" who we sleep with?  Not quite.  There have been men that I expressed an interest in that turned me down.  I've been rejected and even dumped by boyfriends because I wasn't as attractive as some of the other women they could get.  The thing is, when we sleep with someone, we are putting ourselves at far more risk than men are.  We get pregnant.  We could be saddled with a major responsibility, and no matter whether we keep the child, adopt it out, or get an abortion, that is still a tremendous strain that we alone have to deal with unless the guy decides to man up and deal with his responsibilities, which doesn't always happen.  So you see, we have to be more choosy, yes, but it is out of self-preservation because our futures are determined by who accidentally knocks us up.

Plus, and this will probably not be the first time I mention this, the original status I put up said nothing derogatory about a man disliking body hair.  I will explain what I mean by this later.

"Ok. NVM, one sec. *ahem* Yeah, you're right. Men should just find a woman attractive no matter what she does. Yeah, cuz, you know, every woman I've ever met has NEVER put me in a category of being non-attractive due to how I might dress, or my facial hair, or my physical build. Man. To think I could actually hold a woman to a certain physical standard of what I find attractive and limit my physical attention to the ones who MEET that standard. Women NEVER do that, and I don't want to enforce a double standard."

 ...oh, we're getting snide.  Yay!

I never said that every man should find every woman attractive.  Nope, never said that.  This is merely you ranting because you want to rant about that topic.  Also, have you ever stopped and thought that maybe, just maybe, it isn't your physical self someone isn't attracted to?  Hm.  Weird.

As for meeting standards?  I think that men severely underestimate the pressure on women to look perfect, and the lengths we go to to get it.  Lemme walk you through my daily beauty/appearance routine:

Take multiple vitamins, including ones that are specifically for better skin and hair.  Hair removal via depilatory cream.  Pluck eyebrows while waiting for the chemicals to literally burn my hair off.  Get in shower.  Wash and condition hair, shave damn near every inch of my body to get rid of what the cream didn't.  Exfoliate body.  Wash body.  Wash face.  Scrub anti-acne cleanser into my face.  Out of shower.  Apply lotion to body.  Toner on face.  Moisturizer on face.  Acne medication.  Anti-aging cream.  Spray on leave-in hair conditioner.  Apply argan oil to hair for health and shine.  Get dressed, including a bra which is pretty much a torture device if your boobs are larger than an A cup.  Deodorant.  Perfume.

And that's without doing my hair or makeup.  And even after all that, I go out, makeup-free, and get told that I look tired or sick.

Did you know that the reason that men look fine without makeup is because we have been socialized to accept the flaws in a man's face, but socialized to notice and reject those of a woman's?  Double standards, right?

"The more misogynistic part of my brain wonders why women can't just let their men grow a beard one month and stay out if it lol. Just let it be a man's thing and leave it alone. But, you know, gender equality, feminism, political correctness, all that jazz."

The fact that there is a misogynistic part of your brain is rather alarming, for one.  And the fact that you're telling women to "stay out of it" after you came onto my status to berate me for telling men to pretty much do the exact same thing makes your entire argument redundant, but I digress...

 "That's fine, women can do whatever they want. The problem with feminism is I've noticed a thought process where they think they can do what they want...without consequence...which is simply not the case. You can't get all pissy and complain when you decide not to shave and men don't find you attractive. "Yeah dude, it was SO hot rubbing my hand up her coarse, furry leg" Said no man ever. So yeah, do whatever lol, but don't expect a smooth round of applause thumbs up approval rating from the opposite sex. Cuz you're not gonna get it lol."

The problem with feminism?

The problem with feminism?

Friend, let me educate you in what feminism is, courtesy of our dear friend, Webster:

fem·i·nism noun \ˈfe-mə-ˌni-zəm\: the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities 

 There is no problem with feminism at its core.  If you are anti-feminism, you are a misogynist and don't talk to me anymore, please.

What I'm assuming you meant is that some people that claim to be feminists are demanding rights beyond what is equal.  To be fair, I agree to an extent.  There are a lot of people that have given feminism a bad name, made it out to seem like we're all misandrists who think we deserve everything handed to us on a platter because we're vaginally gifted, goddess damn it.  No.  We don't all think that way.  Most of us are sane and balanced and want equal opportunities and equality in general.

So, no more shit-talking feminism in general on my Facebook page, or any other online "home" of mine unless you're okay with seriously not being my fucking friend anymore.

"That being said. December rolls. Both parties shave (or the one party shaves) Let the sexing begin."

I'm assuming that the "one party" has to be the woman.  Meanwhile, you get to keep your shitty, ungroomed face pubes and rub them all over our freshly de-haired bodies.  Cool.  That's fair, too.

"Plus, no V FOREVER? come on. Can just go get it somewhere else if you're not going to give it up EVER again."

That's the point.  If you say something like the quote in the original post, yeah, go ahead and go get it elsewhere, because I don't want it anymore.

"So, women are willing to dump their bf's for using not having sex as a way of getting what they want? Something women have been doing to men since, forever?"

Yes.  All women are immature shrews that use sex as a weapon.  DAMN IT, YOU CAUGHT US, ARE YOU A FRIGGIN' DETECTIVE OR SOMETHING?

In response to a female friend calling him out on generalizing the entire female population with that comment:

 "It's really very easy to generalize the American public. More often than not, I'm right. Be that as it may, no, using sex to manipulate your partner is NEVER a good thing, no matter which party. As a bargaining tool, cool...but never to manipulate lol. My point: Hairy women = unattractive and unappealing. Will not change, will always be that way. Can't blame a man for not wanting to touch you if you're all furred out."

No.  More often than not, you're wrong.  I've seen it happen in the past, dearest.  And your "point" was proven incorrect, as another man had previously commented that he would have sex with his girl even if she didn't shave for a few weeks.

"Double standards. They're a thing."

Yeah.  We know.  Men have been forcing them on us for years.

Lemme just, break it all down for you:

1. I never, not once, implied that it was wrong for a man to not be attracted to a woman who had body hair.  Everyone has their preferences.  I personally am not participating in No Shave November because I prefer to not have hairy legs and other bits.  Not that it matters, since it's November and freezing and no one would see it anyway.  I personally prefer men who do not have a lot of facial hair; scruff or a well-trimmed, shorter beard, but a big bushy beard on a man grosses me out.  But do I feel the need to tell men who like to have big bushy beards that they're disgusting and no one will want them because I don't?  No.
2. It isn't the dislike of female body hair that I was irritated with to begin with.  It was the fact that the guy(s) saying the quoted bit in that status felt the need to punish women for not shaving.  Because that's what they would be doing, in their mind.  And I'm sorry, but if a guy I'm seeing thinks that it's okay to punish me in any way, shape, or form because of a choice I made about my own body and appearance, he better hit the road running, because motherfucker, you just opened a can of napalm.
3. The punishment itself is ridiculous, and simply feeds into the idea that everything that women do is done for the pleasure of men.  The men who say that sort of thing believe that if they remove themselves sexually, women will simply fall apart.  Oh god, whatever will we do if men no longer want to sleep with us?!  How will we have self-esteem if men don't want to stick it to us on the regular?!  IT'LL BE ANARCHY.  Oh, wait, no.  It won't.  Because not every man is that ignorant.

Seriously.  Women aren't doing this sort of thing because of men.  Get it through your heads.

We.

Don't.

Revolve.

Around.

You.

I don't shave/wax/pluck for the dick.  I don't wear clothes that look good on my body for the dick.  I don't show cleavage for the dick.  I don't style my hair into submission for the dick.  I don't wear makeup for the dick.  I don't wear high-heels for the dick.  I do those things because they make me feel good because I think they make me look good.  Not for you.  Not for the dick.

tl;dr?

Fuck off, it's my body, and when you start focusing on your own appearance as much as society makes me focus on mine, then you can fucking judge.